Jet Lag Sucks

So, after...

11 total hours in the air, a
4 hour layover in scenic Newark, NJ,
100 lbs of luggage,
4 hours of sleep in the past 2 days, and
7 time zones crossed

... here I am in the Netherlands again.

I'm freakin' ass tired, but at least flying into the sunrise was cool.

Siy-crest out.

Sexual Chocolate

I checked out the Dave Chappelle Block Party show at Verizon Theater last night with my buddies John and Rey. I must admit I am a little bitter about paying something like $1.50 per minute for not a whole lotta standup, because if you think of getting a fresh beer at the bar every 2 minutes for 50 minutes, that's a lot of beer and everything would end up being as funny as if Chappelle said it anyways.

I was impressed with the performances from supporting acts Talib Kweli, Mos Def, and Erykah Badu, although I'm just not into their stuff that much. Rap over a backing track just never seems that impressive, no matter how deep or politically cutting the lyrics are. Erykah's got great talent and stage presence, but the style's a little to amelodic and jazzy for me. Guess I'm not black enough (checks penis size). Yup, definitely not black enough.

There were a couple of running themes in the night
1) Being black is many much better than being not black. They get to say the 'N' word all cool-like and we don't.

2) Dave talking about pussy is funny. He did like half of his time on what he'd do as a gynecologist and how the 5 senses disagree almost entirely with the concept of vagina ("it only feels good").

3) Houston should be proud of sheltering Katrina victims. They even brought out our congresswoman to tout this point. This felt mostly like a PR guilt trip, because I'm of the opinion that Houstonians are generally annoyed by our 'guests', but maybe I'm just bitter cuz my rent took a $100 surge thanks to a saturated rental market.

4) Chappelle can do anything he wants. He showed up an hour late; did 2 sets for a total of 50 minutes out of a 5 hour show, and walked away from 50 million.

He's Rick James, Bitch.

Hey Jealousy

If only I had bought pre-iPod Apple stock.....

I probably wouldn't be blogging right now, I'd be sleeping, which at 1:30 pm on a Thursday seems like a totally viable thing to do if you're filthy rich (not a corporate slave to big oil) and as utterly lazy as I happen to be. Instead, the rich get richer and here I am, typing away.

Our favorite silhouette-commerical technological juggernaut sold it's one-billionth iTunes song today and the lucky person was handsomely rewarded for not stealing music like the rest of us.
In the spirit of iPod elitism; the winner gets 10 iPods, which can serve no other valid purpose other than to tell everybody else that you've got 9 more iPods than they do. And PS: Suck it.

It is pretty sweet to have a music scholarship named after you, though. If anything, it's gotta make for a cool t-Shirt for the kid who gets it: "Some jackass who's too dumb to use P2P software won 10g's, 10 iPods, and a sweet iMac and all I got was this lousy music scholarship."

At least the guy was downloading something arguably reasonable: the new Coldplay album. Can you imagine if the whole world knew you won the one-billionth song contest downloading something totally random that you've had stuck in your head all day because Toonces mentioned it in the TOB...like the Neverending Story Theme?

Which reminds me: I still want a Falcor.

Whiskey is my Kryptonite

Today I stand before you a broken man. I'm sick and it sucks. I was perfectly healthy yesterday, but throw in a handful of whiskey drinks and a few hours of lame music at a Bon Jovi concert and I woke up this morning with the sore throat from hell. I paid attention in 3rd grade science and I'm hypothesizing that one of those two stiumuli caused this. Now, you've all been witness to hours on end of 80's music at the house, and not even full tilt, 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' sing-alongs have ever left me feeling this ratty the day after. It seems whiskey has a much harsher effect on my immune system. Beer on the other hand has never let me down and is thus the yellow sun to my Superman. This is the kind of logic I use to guide my life.

I've got to start learning from experience; or at least remembering simple cause and effect relationships. Or maybe I'm just stupid. Sick and stupid. Man that's weak. Time for more juvo de naranja.

"on a steel horse I ride" -Jon Bon Jovi

Sometimes I wonder if there's a special kind of straight that doesn't preclude necessarily being a flaming homosexual...

Tonight, I'm going to see Bon Jovi, live and in concert at the Toyota Center. I can only wonder if at some point, the gayness of the whole affair will reach sort of Hitchhiker's-esque Infinite Improbability and I'll reach under my shirt to find a bra has magically appeared, which I will then toss at Jon, causing him to wink at me. I'll squeal with Beatlemania-like glee and then pass out, drifting into a world of rainbows and cowboys who eat pudding and are frequently secretly fond of each other.

I make no excuses for the wide and sometimes embarrassing variety of music I listen to, but I will qualify attending this concert with the fact that I'm only going because Sarah got free tickets and figured if there's someone who will enjoy getting dragged out to a Bon Jovi Concert, it's me. She's right. This is gonna be a milf and mullet-ridden riot.

To make up for this, I'll change my own oil and not cry when I burn my hand on the exhaust manifold. That's right, I said exhaust manifold.

...and so it was, and it was good

Alas, my cube-centric work life doesn't provide me with enough human interaction or self-expressive outlets to sate my inner loudmouth. Behold, as another Hummer H2 of intellectual pollution joins the smoggy haze that is the blogsphere.

I'm a simple guy, with simple things to say. I like pointing out when I think something is awesome and I like making comparisons between things that I think suck. I also like bragging about doing things that I think qualify me as a bad-ass. Of course, all of this would be completely obnoxious except for the fact that I also enjoy making a joke out of my existence, which is where most of the entertainment value of this blog will likely come from.

Quality of content is not my goal. I'll leave all the useful social and cultural commentary to Vince, Arun, and other more eloquent and well-educated bloggers. I just wanna run my mouth about stuff that I like talking about and provide those who know me with yet another reason to talk smack.

That being said, let this 5'7" Asian alcohol purification machine proclaim that today, Mango Speaks.