Life of Brian

It's Giz!

2007-02-12T19:19:00.001-08:00

I have paused the Tivo, dug through my emails to find all my old account info I forgot so I could logon and post this in a mad dash of "man I wish I could run outside 209 and yell 'come see!' to the whole courtyard." God, I hope this is as funny later as it is right now.

It's Giz on Idol. Bless it.

***
Oh yeah, I swear I spent 45 minutes at the end of the work day about 3 weeks ago doing an entry on the Houston Auto Show. I promise. Aw screw it...Dellach and Tito are gonna hound me for never posting anyways.

***
Also, mad props to Dick and Dellach for being the only Chi Phi's to donate to my MS150 Fundraising. Richard's donation was so substantial, if I was advertising, he'd get his name plastered right across my ass...the hood of my NASCAR body. There's gonna be a picture of me in Spandex tights coming your way in due time boys. All in due time.

You can still fight the shame and failure of non-donation here: DONATE!

The guilt trip is HERE.

PIty, Pity

2006-12-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

Has it really been over 3 months since an update? Insanity! I should write something entertaining and valuable to redeem whatever miniscule value this insignificant blog is capable of producing for the betterment of humanity.

I should also stop eating trans fat laden Flamin' Hot Cheetos, sleeping until 2pm on weeekends, and procrastinating so much, but it's not a perfect world, and I'm not a perfect person. I am however a busy person with poor time management skills. Tell ya what, I'll get started on all that stuff tomorrow.

Today, however, I have great news to celebrate:

HOORAY for liver cell regeneration! I'm going to live!

Random Updates

2006-09-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

Stream of consciousness IS a valid form of writing.

Richard turned 22 on 8/31/06. It makes my heart swell with pride to see my younger sibling grow more mature by a year, pound cheap drinks and a BestWurst on 6th, and then get kicked out of the Spill for an alleged stranger ass slap. Cheers, Dr. Siy.

The UNT game was exciting, but 100 degree heat and the fact that the Godzillatron is basically 85% ads, leaving an actual gameplay window close to the regular size made me die a little on the inside. On the bright side, Arun has lots of body hair.

Chi Phi Margaritaville 2006 was possibly the biggest party I've seen at the house. Was it the foam? the 'ritas? the overabundance of High Life? Who knows, but I swear I saw Limas Sweed. You be the judge.

At the first rush event (Greek Games) I am proud to report I valiantly defended the twin pillars of shotgunning and beer bonging in the name of alumni everywhere. Tito on the other hand has sworn off alcohol.
I set a new Mango land-speed record of 140 mph, only capped at such by poor road conditions and a 1997 F150. This beats the old Solara record of 132. Sure, it's irresponsible to drive that fast, but if I'm gonna go, I wanna go Steve Irwin style...which is doing what I love, and possibly garbed in safari shorts.
I got an eviction notice yesterday for 2 day non payment of rent (I blame the new online payment system entirely) which cost me an extra 70 dollars in late fees. I submit, grudgingly, that there are actually a few good things about completely incompetent property management, such as no rules for paying rent (cough*Barbara*cough). However, it is also nice to live in a place that isn't condemned. Oh well, I paid, it's sorted out, so I'm not homeless. Screw Camden.

That is all for now.

WTC Chi Phi?

2006-08-29T14:59:00.001-07:00

Shame and failure. Shame and failure.

***

I know these are old hat to some of you, but I almost peed myself today reading through these 100% completely true facts about Chuck Norris. Don't miss the extra pages.

Here's one for Alpha Kappa:

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

And one for the active Chapter:

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

***

Tito and Toonces already saw this, but remember how we used to want a chapter golf cart for pledges to use to drive actives to class and home games? My friend Tracy has one at her beach house. I coulda cruised the beach for days in that thing.

Also, while at the beach, Tracy snapped what could either be a totally sweet, makes Brian look rugged and sporty picture, or alternatively, a Brian is out of shape and tired after trying to learn how to surf picture. In either case, I'm gay for posting it, but I figured you guys would enjoy it anyways. Cheers, you bastards.

***

4 DAYS 'TILL KICK OFF!!

I am a terrible blogger

2006-08-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

It seems that half my posts are apologies for the infrequency of the other half of the posts. To be fair, I've tried turning over a new leaf and 'working' while in the office, so blog time has been reduced. Anyways, here's some tidbits just for fun. A nice light read:

* Rescue Me is my new Sopranos. Dennis Leary is a badass with a completely fucked up life that somehow survives and makes it look cool to do so. You can't bitch about your own life after watching this show.

* More proof that we Asians are geniuses; however poor our video production skills may be: Power Laundry

* I started reading books again. It's a shame this is post-worthy, but I live and die on the little victories of life. Thank you, Kurt Vonnegut, for making the world funny to read about.

* I'm getting monster blitzed over Labor Day weekend: Richard's 22nd birthday, first game of the season, and Margaritaville. Intensive liver training starts this weekend.

* As per previous entry, any of you Houston boys up for beers and Snakes on a Plane this weekend? Perhaps Friday?

* I hit my 3 year anniversary as a corporate minion which is somewhat sad, but cool cuz I got a raise. Hooray raise!

Back to the daily grind. Hugs and kisses.

"So, what would you say you DO here?"

2006-08-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Someone understands! Someone finally understands!!!

Answer to life, gas prices, beer, and everything

2006-08-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

42.

Unfortunately, that's not the anwer to the ultimate question of price per barrel, so some Titos ponder the issue with questions such as,

"Is it tough to hear news that oil prices are increasing? On one hand, great for business, job security etc.., but on the other, more at the pump at of your own wallet.
Where do you guys stand?"

This was posed to Toonces and myself in our regular chain of aimless workplace correspondence.

Like I said, I'm a simple guy with simple thoughts, so here's some insight as to my view of the world:

My shiny red sportscar devoured half a tank (read $30 dollars) between Wednesday afternoon and Friday night. Ouch. Anyways, at roughly a tank a week at 60 bones, that's 3 grand a year in gas, which, if taken to be an assumed 30% above what it would be at $2-something a gallon, then I'm therefore out about 250 beers a year, which would be an extra 5 beers a week. so how does THAT make me feel? How about you subtract 5 beers from whatever you plan to drink at happy hour on Thursday and we'll compare notes on enjoyment levels.

What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 pints.

After all, beauty is in the eye of the be[er]holder.

So, there ya go Tito. Rising gas prices keep me less disinhibited, which negatively impacts iffy sexual conquests, which ultimately leads to blue balls. Bet ya didn't see that one coming.

***

Other thoughts from my weekend: Talladega Nights was funny, but not on par with Old School. Maybe more of an Anchorman quality, but with less quotables and more ad-libbed humor. 'Walker' and 'Texas Ranger' are great names for kids. A viewing at Alamo Drafthouse added much to the experience.

Hoity Toity midtown clubs are not my preferred weekend entertainment venues, but Club Epic is pretty tight on headcount, so if ya beat the rush, you get the privilege of a 2 or even 3 to 1 ratio of sausage (who have to wait in line) to hot girls (who you can bet look good on the dance floor), which I submit to you is a 'good thing.' Beer's also reasonably priced for a place where Aston Martins and Bentleys are valet parked.

Deadwood rocks my world. Didn't bother to get dressed, put on my contacts, or see the light of day on Sunday due to a marathon catch-up on season 3. Shots of whiskey all around.

Guilt, Trips

2006-07-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

It's pretty much 6pm andI've still got work to do, so.....I'm posting. Beautiful. This is what happens when I 'work' from home. Productivity is low, so working hours are long in order to compensate. I might have adult ADD.

General laziness and lack of motivation to work productively aside, I'm behind on posting. Trust me, I've felt guilty for failing to ramble on about Jamaica, the greatest game of beer die I've ever played, and my deepest thoughts on substndard fraternity houses, but I've been tired, then drunk, then tired then drunk way too much lately to muster a post.

So lemme catch up:
Jamaica was tits. Here's my PG-rated Travelblog entry, for the family and co-workers. All the good stories will be shared over beers and in person, where the evidence trail is minimized. If reading seems too strenuous, here's the pictoral documentation. I need more vacations. A fluorescent cubicle loses to this every time:

May the record reflect that I reached my personal zenith of beer die performance during my last trip to Austin on July 20, 2006 when I hit a hat trick of 3 plonks in a row for a grand total of 9 plonks in 4 games. Arun was there....it happened. Scout's honor. It's a good thing I went out on a high note...there won't be a legal game of beer die played in the house for quite some time now, since its failure to meet city codes makes hanging out in it verboden. That's a Dutch word, but I bet you get it. The house is right up there with Britney and peace in the Middle East in terms of going to shit. If only we could clone Cody, Mango, and $100 bills....we might be in better shape. Why is the third person so satisfying?

***

Not much else on my mind today...too tired after the deadly trifecta of an Astros game, flask of Evan Williams, and a 6:30 am teleconference. I did, however, take a few minutes to contemplate how the meaning of the word 'news' was violated today when I saw that right there-- on the Yahoo! homepage-- was a 'news' headline proclaiming that one of *nsync boys was gay. Get the fuck outta here.

I also stopped for a bit to marvel at this Kegboy-esque feat. There's a good to very good chance something I own--be it personal belongings in my apartment or my own limbs--will be broken in pursuit of achieving this:

Oh yeah, which reminds me. I Heart Boobs.

Variety is the spice of life

2006-07-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting weekend I thought I'd share with you all:

Friday I had a regular night of drinking and playing pool at Volcano.
Saturday was a day of complete gayness as I spent the day with Sarah. We watched The Lion King musical at the Hobby Center followed by tons of Tivo including The Birdcage and 3 episodes of "So You Think You Can Dance."
In order to redeem myself, on Sunday I drank 25-ounce beers and ate the largest plate of nachos--EVER--at Pub Fiction, while cheering on Italy in the World Cup (for no other reason than I liked visiting Rome better than Paris). Fueled by the manly combination of beer, nachos, and the unprovoked threats of an overly aggressive idiot at Little Woodrows, I rounded out my day of manly redemption by participating in leisurely bar fight. The score? Us: 1 ripped shirt Them: 1 Facial laceration and being kicked out of the bar. I think we win.

Man, does it blow to be back in the office after a weekend like that.

Less than 48 hours to Jamaica and unlimited free Red Stripe. Hooray Beer.

Jamaican Me Crazy

2006-06-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

IT'S OFFICIAL!! I'M GOIN TO JAMAICA in 2 weeks!!

Jamaican Me Crazy will take on a whole new meaning from now on, and I'll have a blast telling the natives about the volcano they're supposed to have.

My buddy AJ called me up, said his new girlfriend bailed and since he already paid for the resort, all I had to do was get a plane ticket and voilla...5 days in the fun and sun, burnin one down, looking for the perfect rasta hat, and Buffalo Soldierin around a tropical paradise. Keep your fingers crossed for a hurricane free adventure. I'm sure I'll have a hard enough time keepin' myself from gettin dead off the all you can drink Red Stripe and off-resort trips.

I WIN!!!!

Being John Mangovich

2006-06-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this happens to a lot of other people, but I find it particularly amusing in my own experiences: almost every morning I wake up with a completely random song in my head. This song will follow me through my morning routine (while my brain is still on autopilot) and then, much like even the best dreams of rubbing bellies with 'Genie in a Bottle'-era Christina Aguilera, the song fades away by the time I get to work.

I think these random songs must have some sort of correlation to my inner psyche and hence, by sharing them whenever I can remember them, I hope to provide some sort of excursion on The Brain of Brian; the ride.

This morning was actually one of the more normal songs of late, but the lyrics suddenly struck me as particularly apropos of current events, and it made me question exactly how random the early morning jukebox that is my brain really is.

The scene: Beaumont, TX, 1998-1999, I'm cruising around town in my maroon, 4-door, 105 horsepower Toyota Camry with a butt-cut. I'm probably wearing khakis and a white picque polo; as that was my Catholic high school uniform option of choice. The weather's nice, so I'm bumping some good mood music - Reel Big Fish - Turn the Radio Off album. The song: All I Want Is More.

Here's an audio clip.

In my mind, this song is totally for fun and takes me back to the good-old days of senior year when all I had to do was party balls and not be late for curfew or get caught by Mom and Dad. The line that made me think a little harder into what the song's actually about is: "someday, maybe she'll come back to me and I'll say, 'why don't you go fuck yourself!'" Is the inner Brian trying to give me hints at how to handle the 'K' situation? Interesting. Let's see what pops up tomorrow. From now on out, the Subconcious Jukebox Song of the Day will pop up on the blog if I can keep it in my head long enough to remember.

***
Here's a fun one for the day. Apparently guys like us are reincarnated as pelicans.
***
EDIT: Shruti found this link explaning the whole 'song stuck in your head' phenomenon. They're called earworms.

Return of the Mack, er, Mango

2006-06-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

"So, I'm back up in the game
Running things like half my swang
Lettin' all the people know
That I'm back to run the show
'Cause what they didn't know was wrong
And all the nasty things you've done
So, baby, listen carefully
While I sing my comeback song"
-- Mark Morrison

That's right, children, Mango's back. For the sake of continuity I'll pull from a familiar reference and hope that unlike the 'Return of Chef' to South Park (finally watched it last night), this return will be longer lived and not involve my untimely death at the hands of wild animals or more importantly, pedophiles in safari gear.

So why the old school R&B reference? Well, besides the obvious theme of a 'return', the almost laughable drama series that is my relationship with my 'K' is on an indefinite hiatus for irreconciliable differences, and so the underlying theme of a old-school mack daddy burned by love but still a playa of the game is just too perfect to pass up. Plus, I wish I was black.

So what else has been new in la vida Mango since I last posted? Sadly, not a whole lot. I blame Tivo for that. The daily grind of work has become just that: the project I'm on now is the Kryptonite to my Superman and so in an effort to impart the wisdom of my years onto the junior readers of this blog: never leave UT. Friends, women, parties, and women...trust me, that whole "best years of your life" line is not cliche, it's wisdom.

I was reminded of the difference between my working life and life in school during my 3-day visit, nay, bender to Austin this weekend.

1) Partying in Austin vs. 'going out' in Houston is analagous to one of those travel guides touting living in some random tropical country for $4 a day. Drinking 15 beers, playing pool and foosball, and picking the music you get to hear--all of which are staples of a good time-- total cost at the house: a few bucks out of your monthly dues and some juice from your iPod battery. Same experience in Houston? $60-80 bucks for the beer, plus $1 per game and $2 for 3 songs at the jukebox. Not to mention the lofty costs and negative life imacts in general of a DWI, which would likely follow if you drank 15 beers and had any farther to go than upstairs.

2) Like shooting ducks in a barrel: Women. The bar scene is a crapshoot when it comes to pulling (British for 'meeting women' or 'getting laid'). You never know who's a quality, fun, putter-outer, and who's a psycho hose beast, or old-money snob, or the VD female equivalent of Dice. (p.s. no offense Dice, I'm sure that herps will be cool again one day). At the house, all you've gotta do is drink until she's gotta go to the bathroom and then you win. (for more details, consult Dellach) Ok, sure, so this really doesn't contrast the previously named pitfalls of pulling at a bar, but we're willing to trade quality for a certain degree of 'moral casualness'. For the love of Pete, Marshall used to pull at the house.

3) Logistics: In school, it's just good times all the time. Sure, there's those pesky classes and books and studying to deal with, but you're essentially on the blocks and ready for the sprint to debauchery all the time. As Toonces, Tito, and I have found, it takes planning, permission, and lots of highway mileage just to arrange the proper proximities for mutual beer drinking, Mario Kart, and other assorted Chi Phi pasttimes that used to be available in a short hop across the courtyard. We're also unable to enjoy the economies of scale that can be reached once keg levels of beer consumption are achieved.

4) No Worms. Perhaps this one is a bit specific to my own interests, but dammit, I miss playing Worms on a Pentium II computer with a 14-inch CRT screen. I miss hearing Tito talking smack to both me AND Dellach, Bud Light 8 of 11 in hand. Even on Toonces' massive plasma, Worms 3D can not fill the Worms World Party-shaped hole in my gaming soul.

Can I get an Amen?

I'll get off my soapbox for now and try to spend the next 3 hours doing what I should have been doing for the last 6.

***

Oh yeah, on a more positive note: the penguin game is back: http://www.stuffucanuse.com/online_game/penguin/Bloody-penguin.html

My high score is well over 1000...who wants suma-dis?

If a Brian blogs in the middle of a forest....

2006-04-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

As the now maligned Chef used to say before his days of self-righteous hypocrisy..."well hello there chi'dren!!"

I'm back! After a month on hiatus I'm here to fulfill the credo of this blog, which is to ramble aimlessly about that which I deem awesome. I can only wonder who will notice this new post. Please comment if you do...shock us all.

So where was I...ah yes, cool stuff. Top of my list is the coolest thing I've done in recent history, and maybe ever >. I bought a laser red Infiniti G35 with every option I could get my sweaty little hands on. Premium, sport, and aero packages, nav, XM, tint, the mother-flippin' works. I also turn 25 tomorrow on the 19th, so feel free to bat about terms like quarter-life crisis in addition to the requisite over-compensation jokes. Whatever fool, don't be hatin'! Soak this up with a biscuit:

I love her. I love her very very much. I love her in a way that may be unhealthy to feel towards an inanimate object. Toonces has his TV, Richard has his reflection, and I have my G. 2003 Motor Trend Car of the year, 280 horses, a sweet-sounding dual exhaust, and the navigation chick sounds like she likes Asian wang--at least to me she does. Oh yeah, and I can smoke the tires off a stoplight in total meathead, typical Trans-Am owner, Matthew McConnaughey in Dazed and Confused kind of way. Whatever. It makes my balls feel gi-normous, and who among you can find fault in that? Huh?

In other news: has anybody seen this 20Q toy? They've got a trial online that shows you how smart it is so you'll want to buy it. I'm totally amazed. Check it out!

Oh yeah, some recent pictures for kicks: HERE

Time to do stuff < Time I have

2006-03-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

I have no firewall excuses to hide behind. I am simply unable to fulfill basic commitments to sleep, exercise, and blogging in trade for long hours at work and the desire to be a social being in the company of like-minded anti-sobriety proponents. I should have some fun stories this weekend following the celebration of St. Patty's day with actual Irishmen.

I'm tired, but least I can say I've been having a blast.

After a weekend trip to Winterberg, Germany for some snowboarding (aka Mango on ice) I've got a nasty limp and an extremely anti-climactic stunt attempt story. Suffice to say I need to bend my knees more and generally not eat mountain when attempting jumps. The pics are already in an existing album on Yahoo (check the Europe blog link) and I'll try and put some verbage to it soon. In the meantime, here's my attempt to add entertainment value to my blog:

My idea of a great day

Things that might happen to Tito and Toonces at the Gingerman after too many Hoegaardens

On an entertainment note: Vince, I'll have you know that Brokeback to the Future is also a smash hit here in Rijswijk. I've found there's a special level of friendship that's been reached when you can laugh at gay people together. It may very well be the 3rd most important bond of brother hoood amongst Chi Phi's after shame and failure and alcohol consumption disproportionate to bodily blood volume..

And now, a cheesy picture, because everybody likes cheesy pictures.

Only 2 more weeks left!

Blog Whore

2006-03-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

Dude, I've got 2 of these things. What the hell is up with that? I don't have 2 blogs worth of stuff to say, and I sure don't have time to keep them both up to date. Oh well, if Dell'accio's college dating habits have taught me anything, it's that there's fun to be had in quantity over quality.

Check out my latest travel blog HERE.

I went to Amsterdam and saw the Boom Chicago show. This was one of my favorite videos from the show: International Humor

One week down, 3 (or 5) to go.

Another great reason to drink

2006-03-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Texas Independence Day!

Yet another thing for me to be excited about that will annoy my European buddies....like how the Longhorns are NCAA National Champions. I could be talking about toe fungus, for all their interest.

Jet Lag Sucks

2006-02-26T14:55:00.000-08:00

So, after...

11 total hours in the air, a
4 hour layover in scenic Newark, NJ,
100 lbs of luggage,
4 hours of sleep in the past 2 days, and
7 time zones crossed

... here I am in the Netherlands again.

I'm freakin' ass tired, but at least flying into the sunrise was cool.

Siy-crest out.

Sexual Chocolate

2006-02-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

I checked out the Dave Chappelle Block Party show at Verizon Theater last night with my buddies John and Rey. I must admit I am a little bitter about paying something like $1.50 per minute for not a whole lotta standup, because if you think of getting a fresh beer at the bar every 2 minutes for 50 minutes, that's a lot of beer and everything would end up being as funny as if Chappelle said it anyways.

I was impressed with the performances from supporting acts Talib Kweli, Mos Def, and Erykah Badu, although I'm just not into their stuff that much. Rap over a backing track just never seems that impressive, no matter how deep or politically cutting the lyrics are. Erykah's got great talent and stage presence, but the style's a little to amelodic and jazzy for me. Guess I'm not black enough (checks penis size). Yup, definitely not black enough.

There were a couple of running themes in the night
1) Being black is many much better than being not black. They get to say the 'N' word all cool-like and we don't.

2) Dave talking about pussy is funny. He did like half of his time on what he'd do as a gynecologist and how the 5 senses disagree almost entirely with the concept of vagina ("it only feels good").

3) Houston should be proud of sheltering Katrina victims. They even brought out our congresswoman to tout this point. This felt mostly like a PR guilt trip, because I'm of the opinion that Houstonians are generally annoyed by our 'guests', but maybe I'm just bitter cuz my rent took a $100 surge thanks to a saturated rental market.

4) Chappelle can do anything he wants. He showed up an hour late; did 2 sets for a total of 50 minutes out of a 5 hour show, and walked away from 50 million.

He's Rick James, Bitch.

2006-02-23T11:29:00.000-08:00

Hey Jealousy

If only I had bought pre-iPod Apple stock.....

I probably wouldn't be blogging right now, I'd be sleeping, which at 1:30 pm on a Thursday seems like a totally viable thing to do if you're filthy rich (not a corporate slave to big oil) and as utterly lazy as I happen to be. Instead, the rich get richer and here I am, typing away.

Our favorite silhouette-commerical technological juggernaut sold it's one-billionth iTunes song today and the lucky person was handsomely rewarded for not stealing music like the rest of us.
In the spirit of iPod elitism; the winner gets 10 iPods, which can serve no other valid purpose other than to tell everybody else that you've got 9 more iPods than they do. And PS: Suck it.

It is pretty sweet to have a music scholarship named after you, though. If anything, it's gotta make for a cool t-Shirt for the kid who gets it: "Some jackass who's too dumb to use P2P software won 10g's, 10 iPods, and a sweet iMac and all I got was this lousy music scholarship."

At least the guy was downloading something arguably reasonable: the new Coldplay album. Can you imagine if the whole world knew you won the one-billionth song contest downloading something totally random that you've had stuck in your head all day because Toonces mentioned it in the TOB...like the Neverending Story Theme?

Which reminds me: I still want a Falcor.

2006-02-22T15:49:00.000-08:00

Whiskey is my Kryptonite

Today I stand before you a broken man. I'm sick and it sucks. I was perfectly healthy yesterday, but throw in a handful of whiskey drinks and a few hours of lame music at a Bon Jovi concert and I woke up this morning with the sore throat from hell. I paid attention in 3rd grade science and I'm hypothesizing that one of those two stiumuli caused this. Now, you've all been witness to hours on end of 80's music at the house, and not even full tilt, 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' sing-alongs have ever left me feeling this ratty the day after. It seems whiskey has a much harsher effect on my immune system. Beer on the other hand has never let me down and is thus the yellow sun to my Superman. This is the kind of logic I use to guide my life.

I've got to start learning from experience; or at least remembering simple cause and effect relationships. Or maybe I'm just stupid. Sick and stupid. Man that's weak. Time for more juvo de naranja.

2006-02-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

"on a steel horse I ride" -Jon Bon Jovi

Sometimes I wonder if there's a special kind of straight that doesn't preclude necessarily being a flaming homosexual...

Tonight, I'm going to see Bon Jovi, live and in concert at the Toyota Center. I can only wonder if at some point, the gayness of the whole affair will reach sort of Hitchhiker's-esque Infinite Improbability and I'll reach under my shirt to find a bra has magically appeared, which I will then toss at Jon, causing him to wink at me. I'll squeal with Beatlemania-like glee and then pass out, drifting into a world of rainbows and cowboys who eat pudding and are frequently secretly fond of each other.

I make no excuses for the wide and sometimes embarrassing variety of music I listen to, but I will qualify attending this concert with the fact that I'm only going because Sarah got free tickets and figured if there's someone who will enjoy getting dragged out to a Bon Jovi Concert, it's me. She's right. This is gonna be a milf and mullet-ridden riot.

To make up for this, I'll change my own oil and not cry when I burn my hand on the exhaust manifold. That's right, I said exhaust manifold.

2006-02-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

...and so it was, and it was good

Alas, my cube-centric work life doesn't provide me with enough human interaction or self-expressive outlets to sate my inner loudmouth. Behold, as another Hummer H2 of intellectual pollution joins the smoggy haze that is the blogsphere.

I'm a simple guy, with simple things to say. I like pointing out when I think something is awesome and I like making comparisons between things that I think suck. I also like bragging about doing things that I think qualify me as a bad-ass. Of course, all of this would be completely obnoxious except for the fact that I also enjoy making a joke out of my existence, which is where most of the entertainment value of this blog will likely come from.

Quality of content is not my goal. I'll leave all the useful social and cultural commentary to Vince, Arun, and other more eloquent and well-educated bloggers. I just wanna run my mouth about stuff that I like talking about and provide those who know me with yet another reason to talk smack.

That being said, let this 5'7" Asian alcohol purification machine proclaim that today, Mango Speaks.